Going Deaf

Please excuse the shittiness of my camera, I wanted to show the colors better so I edited the contrast, hue and lighting.
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Anyways, a little explanation behind the title and this watercolor painting:
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I get ear infections frequently.
I'd say 3 to 4 times a year.

It seems like everytime I get one, they get worse, meaning, they take longer to heal and are more painful than the last.
Most always I go deaf in the ear that the infection might be in.

The infections I had before the most recent one was the worst, by far. Both my ears were infected and I went pretty much deaf for 3 days in addition, I was in great pain.

I can handle a lot of pain, I didn't cry when I sprained my ankle really badly, I didn't cry when I fell off my roof and landed on my back really hard, I just take most physical pain pretty well, save for some loud cursing.

But the pain I get in my ears when they're infected is worse than anything else. I don't know why, maybe its because its so close to the nerve center of your body, the brain.

I have had problems with my ears since near birth. I have been put through 8 different surgeries, all relating to my ears.

I have really bad hearing and I almost always have to ask people to repeat themselves when they are talking to me. I was in speech therapy all through out elementary school and in some of middle school because I didn't hear things right and hence my speaking was very off.

The over all balance of my body is not very good. I get knocked over very easily and dizziness happens a lot to me.

I have lived with faulty ears for a long time but yet I am thankful for what I have, even if it frustrates me more often than I'd care to admit. Ear infections to me are so scary because I lose what little hearing I do have.

Its so frightening because I am so afraid that the next ear infection I have will make me lose my hearing entirely.

Never again will I hear the voices of the friends I love.

Never again will I hear the music I dance to, write to, draw to and sing to.

Never again will I hear the rain fall and hit the ground, the wind blow through the trees, the ocean break against the shore, my feet touch the ground, my cat purr...

I guess I am trying to express, through this painting of mine, how sad I will be when that happens.

I simply don't have enough words to express how much fear and doubt I have about losing one of my senses.

People take their senses for granted, way too often. They are a gift, they not only help us to walk through our daily lives but to survive!

They help us to feel, physically, mentally and emotionally.
They help us to express ourselves through the mediums of our emotions.

I'm just so scared and tired of feeling that way..